Your Daily Focus: Ask

Posted by on Oct 25, 2011 in General, Parenting, Relationships, Workplace & Business | 0 comments

If you really want to make your point, don’t tell, ask.

That sounds backwards, doesn’t it? It seems that if you really want to make a point and especially if you want others to understand your point and agree with you, you would need to explain your position, make good arguments, repeat yourself often, and be very convincing.

It actually works the exact opposite. If you really want someone to agree with your position on something, ask them in detail where they stand on the issue now. Ask them how they would feel if there was a slight change in circumstances. Ask them how they might differ their opinion if the outcome to their position was different than they expect.

Ask them if they would consider changing their opinion if it was possible that others would feel hurt or discouraged by their actions. You might be very surprised by the answer.

The vast majority of people have a personality style considered to be nurturing. That means most people really care about how others feel around them. Therefore if most people knew that others were discouraged by their actions, they would likely change their actions to allow others to feel better.

For example, in a couples relationship the woman might be really sad that the man wants to watch ESPN SportsCenter in bed before falling asleep. She might desire to snuggle or chat about the day she had instead. He might not realize what a huge deal it is to her. If she scolds him or demands that he turn the darn television off, or criticizes the TV, he might not understand. If she shares how much she desires to be the center of attention in that last moment of the day, he might offer a new behavior.

In the work place, most staff don’t need to be told to change their behavior either. You will find most employees are acting in such a way as to please others. If you ask them what they are doing, and why, you will find that they are making perfect and wise decisions. It will be much easier to work with staff or modify behavior if you clearly define outcomes you are looking for and let them create the solutions.

It is always a better solution if you allow others to create the solutions and give the credit to them. They will feel more a part of the process, and the solution will be much more permanent as well.

Bottom line, ask, don’t tell. You will see extraordinary results!



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